Well, guys. We did it. We survived our first year of marriage.
And I’m going to share with you exactly how we did it.
One rainy day Farmer Seth and I drove to town to run errands. Per usual, we ended up at a local brewery. While sipping on a smooth, dark stout we we were laughing and reminiscing about all the ups and down of our first year of marriage. It got me thinking that we can’t be the only ones who basically used the entire first year as one big trial and error experiment. So we put out heads together to compile a list of some of the most important things to implement in your first (and every!) year of marriage if you want to make it out alive.
- HEALTHY fighting is good fighting.
All participants must play fair and clean. No bringing up things from the past. Discuss the issue at hand, find a resolution, and move on.
- Make an effort for date nights.
I’m sure you’ve heard the classic, “schedule it or it’s not going to happen”. Well, it’s true. Schedule dates or else they’re not going to happen as often as you would like or they won’t be the good quality time that you’re hoping for.
- Schedule sexy time.
Yeah, you read that right. You’re probably thinking, “we’re newly weds and we’re madly in love, there’s no way we need to schedule that!”. Let me tell you that life. gets. busy. It also gets stressful. Sounds like a libido killer combo, doesn’t it? Schedule it and thank me later.
- Put your phones away and focus on each other.
This is something that can creep up on the daily, so make sure you are aware of when it is happening so that you can nip it in the bud right away. For us, eating meals together is typically our best phone-free time to catch up on the day (and Farmer Seth likes to get filled in on the drama that my clients shared with me that day).
- Pick and choose what to nag about.
The hubby came up with this one – shocker, right? Now this is something I need to be conscious of on a consistent basis. Pick your battles, ladies! There’s a few things that I feel justified to nag about; like making sure he puts sunscreen on and bringing his tupperwares in from the tractor (the good tupperware is expensive!). And then there’s things that I let slide by; like making the bed OVER the pillows instead of placing them all Pinterest-like on the bed. Heck, I’m just thankful he’s willing to make the bed every day!
- Discuss finances on the regular.
This is really important to make sure you are both on the same page with bills, spending, and budgeting. If you can have a thorough, transparent conversation about it about once a month I truly believe that it will avoid a lot of conflict in the long run.
- Get time away.
This might not be as big of a priority for some couples, but it definitely is for us. Living on the farm and owning multiple businesses means our minds are always on work mode. Getting away for a vacation or even a quick weekend out of town means that we can get out of our element, find an arcade somewhere, and truly relax and enjoy each others company without having to unload the dishwasher or move a piece of equipment.
- Set goals together.
Why would you want to be with someone who is okay with being complacent in life? Setting goals is important because you can work towards something together or encourage each other to reach their own goals. If you’re not growing, you’re shrinking and having a vision for your future together will help you both get through the tough days.
Now I am no relationship expert. Most days I actually need to remind myself to take my own advice. But a great marriage takes work, friendship, honestly, intimacy, effort, and fun. If and when rough patches arise remind yourself why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.